Monday, October 09, 2006

So much angst from such a small girl

NOTE: Seldom do I write lengthy entries like this with so much emotions so please try reading it. Get to know me with my angst level way up there.

I'm breaking my promise. An entry of sense won't work right now despite the fact that I've submitted my 9 page incompetent Urbanization paper to Sir De Jesus this morning. Why? Because I can't write--that's why.
And the fact that I'm compelled to do so because I have to fix a brutally murdered CNF piece makes the entire attempt worse. I can't believe I'm in this course. I can't even fix a short piece.

Alter ego says (and I've been wanting to say this eversince I've read some people's comments on my paper and I mean this in the most unbiased and modest way, I swear):

Someone tell me how the fuck you make a story about your dead sister less dramatic?!

Seriously. I want to learn how. I'm a frustrated English/CW major who wants to write well. Teach me.

"I don't like it. It's too dramatic." I mean, I know you may have meant well(because you want to make it a better "story") but sometimes, think about your comments or the way you say them. Ewan. Di ko ma-explain. Na-offend lang ako, I'm sorry. Maybe it was a wrong decision to write about something sensitive to me. I don't know. I was just offended. That's it. I can take it in and maybe try to forget. I just found it rude. Dazzit.

I just had to let that out. I'm ready for a sermon.

Hello, low self esteem. I've had you for so long and now's the time I've finally decided to admit it and let the entire world (well, just those who read this) know. So Raf, you're not alone. I promise.

I need to escape. There it is again. Escape. Lagi nalang tinatakasan. Ayaw harapin.

Make time to live a little
Don't let this moment slip by tonight
You never know what you are missing until you try

Save room for my love
Save room for a moment to be with me
Save room for my love
Won't you save a little,
Save a little for me?

-John Legend

Such cowardice. It's eating me alive.

And let me just reiterrate the tiny fact that my life's an open book (especially to you). TAKE A HINT, dearest.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sabi ni Marby filter out the comments. Parang yung sa akin, "what can be cut? can be dropped? the jargon... I'm not too smart" I write for itelligent people. So I'm keeping the damn jargon. Kasalanan ko bang hindi niya maintindihan? In the same way that the drama, I believe, should be kept. It's central to the story. You cannot go without it.The story cannot go without it. NON-FICTION nga diba? Alangan naman manipulahin mo ang mga pangyayari. Now that would be highly degrading.
Have fun with the story Veeka. one central event. Feel the progression. Go go go!

Anonymous said...

aww..don't worry little girl, it's just the start. you have a very long way to go in UP, i know you'll get better. it's a process..be patient. those who wrote those "rude" comments are just concerned. they want you to give all your best in writing. and who says that your subject is too dramatic? eh sa totoo naman siya, diba? basta, if you need another comment about that (biased, but nakakapagpagaan ng loob naman hehe) just call me. babasahin ko yan kahit gano kahaba yan. kk? love u boi =)

Anonymous said...

Thanks Raf. Thanks Camie. And I write for those with known emotions aside from joy. Too bad kilala ko kung sinong naglagay nung "I don't like it it's too dramatic'. Oh well. Thanks! And Raf have fun with yours too hehe