Amidst doing my CNF narrative, I turn on the TV and put it on Myx, as I always do. I leave it there because I want the music to soothe me while I am to strain my brain in coming up with something good. The first few songs were fine as I sang along with them. It was just disheartening to hear the first few beats to Dale Candela and later seeing Gerard the PBB guy dancing to it.
I could die. I just lost my concentration to annoyance. It's lame.
TV off. They should ban the song (and the video), you know.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Monday, August 28, 2006
I'm unclutterring my brain
I'm trying so hard to be happy these days.
I feel so empty and dull. Like nothing's going right and it's my fault but I'm not doing anything about it. It's my fault but I don't know exactly why I'm blaming myself.
Guilt, I suppose.
But what's wrong with feeling? We all feel. We all get hurt. We all get affected. We all get confused. We all get stuck up at some point trying to figure out the level of vulnerability we could get from the pile of shit, among others, we've stumbled on. Though we want to learn, we keep tripping on the same pile over and over again because we can't seem to enable our reflexes to land on both feet to get ourselves to balance and stand straight and proud thereafter. It's the perfect balance: making a mistake and finding a resolution. I want to trip and be able to muster enough confindence to laugh at myself--and I mean really laugh at myself, not pretend to laugh at myself. I want to trip and keep up with criticisms people come up with (as if they don't trip). I want to trip and see myself emerge as someone I'm proud of. I want to trip and realize that life's too short to be wasted on constant falls. I want to trip and be proud I did. I want to trip and make choices that matter. I want to trip and discover.
It's all a matter of time before I finally get myself to unearth the art of that perfect balance. I just hate the unearthing part. My emotions are at extremes right now and it sucks.
But I could always blame PMS, couldn't I?
Smile like you mean it.
I feel so empty and dull. Like nothing's going right and it's my fault but I'm not doing anything about it. It's my fault but I don't know exactly why I'm blaming myself.
Guilt, I suppose.
But what's wrong with feeling? We all feel. We all get hurt. We all get affected. We all get confused. We all get stuck up at some point trying to figure out the level of vulnerability we could get from the pile of shit, among others, we've stumbled on. Though we want to learn, we keep tripping on the same pile over and over again because we can't seem to enable our reflexes to land on both feet to get ourselves to balance and stand straight and proud thereafter. It's the perfect balance: making a mistake and finding a resolution. I want to trip and be able to muster enough confindence to laugh at myself--and I mean really laugh at myself, not pretend to laugh at myself. I want to trip and keep up with criticisms people come up with (as if they don't trip). I want to trip and see myself emerge as someone I'm proud of. I want to trip and realize that life's too short to be wasted on constant falls. I want to trip and be proud I did. I want to trip and make choices that matter. I want to trip and discover.
It's all a matter of time before I finally get myself to unearth the art of that perfect balance. I just hate the unearthing part. My emotions are at extremes right now and it sucks.
But I could always blame PMS, couldn't I?
Smile like you mean it.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
My Alibi
I won't get into a long, detailed entry about what the hell happened to this darned computer (and the laptop) but up to know, it still isn't fixed. And since I wasn't about to spill my guts on a public computer with strangers trying very hard to make good use of their peripheral vision to see what the person beside them is doing, I decided to write whatever now, before all else fails with this computer, yet again.
So there. Hello, reader. How are you? I am fine. With the Math long quiz and EnvSci exam (which I seriously studied and tried to memorize for a week to so little avail!!!), I am doing 'nothing' by singing with the Dopi (read it backwards) and cleaning my room which is quite a jungle by now because my sister and I are like (some) dudes who just throw things around. To add to that, my hair fall has become terrible, I'm going to be bald soon. Joke. But believe me. J-U-N-G-L-E. Like UP. Haha. I wasn't able to write about Tunog Kalinga and Dang's celebration so I won't bother trying to remember every single thing that happened. Just as long as I know I had fun, that's a-ok. Yay! The pictures will be on my Multiply soon. Soon is...soon. Patience is a virtue, yo!
My thoughts are so constipated. I hate it. Over the past days, I've been itching to write, type actually because I suck at hand written works and I feel more writer-ish when I type (laugh all you want hahaha), and now that I could, it's all gone. And those were sensible thoughts! Betcha by golly wow! The moment's gooooone. =(
Oh well. You'll know when the moment comes again. I just wish it doesn't come when the computer decides to crash...again.
So there. Hello, reader. How are you? I am fine. With the Math long quiz and EnvSci exam (which I seriously studied and tried to memorize for a week to so little avail!!!), I am doing 'nothing' by singing with the Dopi (read it backwards) and cleaning my room which is quite a jungle by now because my sister and I are like (some) dudes who just throw things around. To add to that, my hair fall has become terrible, I'm going to be bald soon. Joke. But believe me. J-U-N-G-L-E. Like UP. Haha. I wasn't able to write about Tunog Kalinga and Dang's celebration so I won't bother trying to remember every single thing that happened. Just as long as I know I had fun, that's a-ok. Yay! The pictures will be on my Multiply soon. Soon is...soon. Patience is a virtue, yo!
My thoughts are so constipated. I hate it. Over the past days, I've been itching to write, type actually because I suck at hand written works and I feel more writer-ish when I type (laugh all you want hahaha), and now that I could, it's all gone. And those were sensible thoughts! Betcha by golly wow! The moment's gooooone. =(
Oh well. You'll know when the moment comes again. I just wish it doesn't come when the computer decides to crash...again.
Friday, August 25, 2006
UPDATE
I'm alive and kicking. =D
Yun lang. I'll explain further when I have a computer to myself. Yes, I'm at an internet cafe. WHY. Haha.
Bye ,yo.
Yun lang. I'll explain further when I have a computer to myself. Yes, I'm at an internet cafe. WHY. Haha.
Bye ,yo.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Enlighten me, oh enlightening one!
May tumalo na sa character sketch.
It's the plot plan, yo! Plotplanplotplanflotplanflotflanflohtflohnpotpan.
And it ain't a tad bit fun to think when your mind's completely blank and the only two things lingering in it is death and happiness.
I ended up with death. I figured that it'll squeeze more creative juice out of me...I hope. If all else fails and she comments negatively on my entire plan tomorrow, I can reason out my desire to shift courses because of my sudden loss of interest in writing creatively due to my severe aspiration for a stable money making job.
But I guess that won't work because she's a CW major and she had her masterals (I think) in the same course. Kamusta naman yun.
I'd like to think that I just lost it...or that I never had it. Hah! Such a fool I am.
It's the plot plan, yo! Plotplanplotplanflotplanflotflanflohtflohnpotpan.
And it ain't a tad bit fun to think when your mind's completely blank and the only two things lingering in it is death and happiness.
I ended up with death. I figured that it'll squeeze more creative juice out of me...I hope. If all else fails and she comments negatively on my entire plan tomorrow, I can reason out my desire to shift courses because of my sudden loss of interest in writing creatively due to my severe aspiration for a stable money making job.
But I guess that won't work because she's a CW major and she had her masterals (I think) in the same course. Kamusta naman yun.
I'd like to think that I just lost it...or that I never had it. Hah! Such a fool I am.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Hello world
Our huge family had a get together here last night because my westernized cousins are here for vacation. A get together yesterday, today and tomorrow. Howaboutthat. =p
Save tonight.
The Underground acquaintance party was fun. Talong-talo kami sa costume e. (Ay si Sj pala panalo.=p) Haha. LSD kicked ass (!!!) and I discovered 2 ways of drinking beer: the conventional drink-it-straight-from-the-bottle and the pour-it-in-the-big-sortofbowl-and-sip-it-with-a-straw game. Kagulo. Great party, great (party) people, great great company. I'm officially LSD's girl groupie. Someone join me. Para na kong lalaki. =D
And then Chav treated us to some drink at Drew's. Whi-whi o wee-wee? Either way, I lost track of how many I dim-wittedly imbibed(haha) and discovered how it was to feel woozy after drinking. Congratulations, Veeka. I know you can't wait for next Saturday: more free alcohol. Haha.
Ah basta. Here's to the night. =) Hey You, lovelovelooove(you). <3
And for my personal reference:
1. concept for creative non fic (someone suggest something, please oh please oh please.)
2. study for EnvSci (Aug24)
3. study for Math (get this, Aug 23)
4. start EnvSci final paper
Haven't you ever felt that intense longing to stay in just one place, with the same person(people) at the same goddamn moment? I want it to come back. I want to go back. Elation, please come back. Bleh. But it's back to reality: oras nang mag-aral mga boi. Tae.
Save last night. (Pictures courtesy of Paolo Encarnacion. Click mo para lumaki, ok.)
Save tonight.
The Underground acquaintance party was fun. Talong-talo kami sa costume e. (Ay si Sj pala panalo.=p) Haha. LSD kicked ass (!!!) and I discovered 2 ways of drinking beer: the conventional drink-it-straight-from-the-bottle and the pour-it-in-the-big-sortofbowl-and-sip-it-with-a-straw game. Kagulo. Great party, great (party) people, great great company. I'm officially LSD's girl groupie. Someone join me. Para na kong lalaki. =D
And then Chav treated us to some drink at Drew's. Whi-whi o wee-wee? Either way, I lost track of how many I dim-wittedly imbibed(haha) and discovered how it was to feel woozy after drinking. Congratulations, Veeka. I know you can't wait for next Saturday: more free alcohol. Haha.
Ah basta. Here's to the night. =) Hey You, lovelovelooove(you). <3
And for my personal reference:
1. concept for creative non fic (someone suggest something, please oh please oh please.)
2. study for EnvSci (Aug24)
3. study for Math (get this, Aug 23)
4. start EnvSci final paper
Haven't you ever felt that intense longing to stay in just one place, with the same person(people) at the same goddamn moment? I want it to come back. I want to go back. Elation, please come back. Bleh. But it's back to reality: oras nang mag-aral mga boi. Tae.
Save last night. (Pictures courtesy of Paolo Encarnacion. Click mo para lumaki, ok.)
Thursday, August 10, 2006
I just want to say
That after writing a suicide note,
Going on a spy mission (and writing about it )
And being something in a painting,
Writing a character sketch is the worst (so far).
One ought not be decieved by the sound of it.
Why the fuck am I in this course? (my brain loves emphasizing "It doesn't paaaaayyyyy!!" ya know) I was supposed to tell stories about the week but well, homework torment and angst release comes first.
Hay. This is sad. Let's just sing a song of sixpence a pocket full of rhyme, yo!
Going on a spy mission (and writing about it )
And being something in a painting,
Writing a character sketch is the worst (so far).
One ought not be decieved by the sound of it.
Why the fuck am I in this course? (my brain loves emphasizing "It doesn't paaaaayyyyy!!" ya know) I was supposed to tell stories about the week but well, homework torment and angst release comes first.
Tomorrow we will look stupid and feel happy high and I think there's something wrong with me because everyone's so excited and I'm not so much looking forward to it. Why why why?? Maybe because. Yeah, maybe because.
Hay. This is sad. Let's just sing a song of sixpence a pocket full of rhyme, yo!
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind
"You don't tell me things, Joel. I'm an open book. I tell you everything, every damn, embarrassing thing."
Clementine expresses it so well.
Get a clue, buddy. Life's a bitch.
Clementine expresses it so well.
Get a clue, buddy. Life's a bitch.
Friday, August 04, 2006
And so it is.
UPCAT na bukas!
Good luck, UPCAT takers! Pray, pray, pray. =)
I'm in a perfect mood to write since my mood swings are going "choo-choo!" and my nails are bloody red (to be explained later). Therefore later tonight, I will be forcing myself to do and finish my English 11 take home exam on My Papa's Waltz. Happy analyzing to me. =D (Edit 2254 hours: I make the worst literary analysis. I want to puke out the senseless soup in my brain then squeeze and throw it around to give it a good jumpstart. [See? I'm brain-dead.])
I went to school today and had Math for about 15 minutes, finding out afterwards that we weren't going to have our CW class (yet again). I wasted clothes and money to get to school and I was left with nothing to do(!!!) I lost my temper and am currently at the verge of screaming at anyone who does the slightest form of annoyance. This mere frustration explains the bloody red nails. Being a girl entitles you an excuse for having mood swings. I pity those I prey on, though. Please know that I do apologize for my inability to hold the fits in. It's a girl thing--and I may be one of the few who execute the whole PMS thing quite effectively. Peace out. Haha.
It's funny that while I was contemplating on whether or not I'm going to shift next year, I realized that the only reason I wanted to do so is because I have no effing idea what job I'd be getting when I graduate. Writing doesn't give you much of a stable job, does it? 'Tas creative writing pa. Huhu. Why does earthly living have to be so goddamn expensive? Let's all move to Mars and join Marvin in being a martian. He seems lonely. Grabe ang corny ko na talaga. *hits self on the head and rolls eyes*
Inner thoughts regarding this something: Tama na. Mali na 'to. Mag-usap na tayo. Let's save us! Uish. I miss The Perfects, zeeryoos. Aww. =(
Oh well. Nobody said it was easy.
Disclaimer: The nail color doesn't really have anything to do with the current series of confusing situations I am drowning in at present. =)
Good luck, UPCAT takers! Pray, pray, pray. =)
I'm in a perfect mood to write since my mood swings are going "choo-choo!" and my nails are bloody red (to be explained later). Therefore later tonight, I will be forcing myself to do and finish my English 11 take home exam on My Papa's Waltz. Happy analyzing to me. =D (Edit 2254 hours: I make the worst literary analysis. I want to puke out the senseless soup in my brain then squeeze and throw it around to give it a good jumpstart. [See? I'm brain-dead.])
I went to school today and had Math for about 15 minutes, finding out afterwards that we weren't going to have our CW class (yet again). I wasted clothes and money to get to school and I was left with nothing to do(!!!) I lost my temper and am currently at the verge of screaming at anyone who does the slightest form of annoyance. This mere frustration explains the bloody red nails. Being a girl entitles you an excuse for having mood swings. I pity those I prey on, though. Please know that I do apologize for my inability to hold the fits in. It's a girl thing--and I may be one of the few who execute the whole PMS thing quite effectively. Peace out. Haha.
It's funny that while I was contemplating on whether or not I'm going to shift next year, I realized that the only reason I wanted to do so is because I have no effing idea what job I'd be getting when I graduate. Writing doesn't give you much of a stable job, does it? 'Tas creative writing pa. Huhu. Why does earthly living have to be so goddamn expensive? Let's all move to Mars and join Marvin in being a martian. He seems lonely. Grabe ang corny ko na talaga. *hits self on the head and rolls eyes*
Inner thoughts regarding this something: Tama na. Mali na 'to. Mag-usap na tayo. Let's save us! Uish. I miss The Perfects, zeeryoos. Aww. =(
Oh well. Nobody said it was easy.
Disclaimer: The nail color doesn't really have anything to do with the current series of confusing situations I am drowning in at present. =)
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
I wanna be sedated
Sunday was the day I realized, as expected, how much I miss dancing and how much I miss those damn crazy ballerinas I talked the Ilonggo/Indonesian accent with. Giselle was great. Tara did a great job, as usual (BRAVO!), and Clara and Lea were great as well. Ack. I want to dance. Regret is one of the worst feelings in the world. Thank you dear Sj for making me regret-conscious and for putting up with my frenzied verbal discharge. =) Lovelove.
Yesterday, despite a terrible, terrible day as a loner(ahem) and a sleepyhead, Francesca mustered enough humor to crack me up:
Vicka: Kain tayo sa labas sa Thursday tas nood ng movie!
Chezka: Sige! Pero ano? Libre Nacho?
Vicka: Nacho Libre!!!=))
Chezka: Kanina sa isang subject namin, pinag-uusapan namin yung infomaniac....?
Vicka: Ano yun? Manyak sa info? Haha!
Chezka: Hindi! Yung mahilig sa sex!
Vicka: (stares) Nymphomiac!!
*boisterous laughter*
And today, someone was sweet enough to surprise me and bring me home because I had no umbrella(long story). Yeheeeesss. =p
If you, if you could get by
trying not to lie
Things wouldn't be so confused
and I wouldn't feel so used
But you always really knew
I just wanna be with you
But I'm missing you,
You know I'm such a fool for you.
-Linger, The Cranberries
Yesterday, despite a terrible, terrible day as a loner(ahem) and a sleepyhead, Francesca mustered enough humor to crack me up:
Vicka: Kain tayo sa labas sa Thursday tas nood ng movie!
Chezka: Sige! Pero ano? Libre Nacho?
Vicka: Nacho Libre!!!=))
Chezka: Kanina sa isang subject namin, pinag-uusapan namin yung infomaniac....?
Vicka: Ano yun? Manyak sa info? Haha!
Chezka: Hindi! Yung mahilig sa sex!
Vicka: (stares) Nymphomiac!!
*boisterous laughter*
And today, someone was sweet enough to surprise me and bring me home because I had no umbrella(long story). Yeheeeesss. =p
If you, if you could get by
trying not to lie
Things wouldn't be so confused
and I wouldn't feel so used
But you always really knew
I just wanna be with you
But I'm missing you,
You know I'm such a fool for you.
-Linger, The Cranberries
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